Closer
by Saffire
Summary: Please R&R! Sequel to my story Jade. You don’t have to have read the first story but it couldn’t hurt. If you thought Spike and Jade would just live happily ever after, you were wrong. *COMPLETE*
1. Prologue

TITLE: Closer  
AUTHOR: Saffire   
EMAIL: saffire415@aol.com   
FEEDBACK: Is much appreciated and gets you quicker updates.   
ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: My site, FF.net, ask first if you want to use it.   
SUMMARY: Short sequel to my story "Jade". If you thought Spike and Jade would just live happily ever after, you were wrong. You don't have to have read the first story to understand this, but it couldn't hurt.  
CONTENT/WARNINGS: S/OC, sexual content, language, Spike & Jade POV just like the first   
RATING: NC-17   
DISCLAIMER: I own Jade, the rest are M.E.'s. 

Prologue

The beat of the music fills the club, pounding in my ears and chest, thundering to drown out everything around me. I watch her from the shadows. Her eyes are closed; she is lost in her own world, her body thrusting to the hard riffs of the band on the dimly lit stage. 

It is beautiful to behold- her small body, so lithe and graceful in its movements despite the unpolished confusion of the music. I wonder what it would be like to touch her skin- skin that is now flushed and damp with sweat. I imagine her flesh would be smooth as silk beneath my cold fingertips. Her heat would sear through my being and it would feel as though a great, beautiful flame were consuming me. 

And I want it. I want to taste it- her skin, her sweat, her tears, her cum, her blood. I smile wickedly to myself and my eyes flash yellow. I want it. And I _will_ have it. 


	2. Part 1

Part 1

I take a sip from my beer as I watch her dance. So beautiful… She has no idea just how beautiful she is. Three years ago, if someone had told me that that infuriating little trollop would grow into this graceful, elegant beauty I would've laughed in their face. And if they'd also told me that I'd soon fall in love with her I'd have probably recommended them to a shrink. How things change.

Jade smiles at me from the dance floor, giving me a little wave before shutting her eyes and losing herself again in the music. She has no idea. No bloody idea how much I love her. How did we get here from those first rocky months? From that time when she was cold and hard, fucking anything and everything that walked, drinking nothing unless it burned going down, and throwing her life around carelessly?

She's hardly a saint. But now she seems to have gained a purpose, a desire to survive and maybe even make something of herself. The walls that once surrounded her are thinner, yet still no where close to disappearing completely.

I told her once that I'd shag her when she was ready, when she dropped the persona and when she wanted it as bad as I did. Yet things have seemed to progress away from that. Now everything is much more complicated. I love her. And she has no idea. No idea that the nature of my love for her surpasses the confidant and friend that she sees me as now. No idea that every moment I'm with her, close to her heat and warmth, I want nothing more than to kiss her, to touch her, to feel her around me.

She has no idea how I hate every time that I hear her come in late, desperately dragging whatever ponce she calls her boyfriend at that time to her bedroom. I hear them in the hall, their frantic heartbeats and heavy breathing, tearing at each other's clothing and body before they finally make it to her room. Jade doesn't know how that hurts me. And she doesn't know that every time I hear her scream some other guy's name, it kills me.

"Uh-oh looks like somebody turned on the angst machine." I look up at the sound of Dawn's voice. She's sitting across from me, staring at me sympathetically. "You seriously need to do something about this, Spike. You're getting to be as bad as Angel."

"Am not!" I exclaim defensively.

"Are too," she shoots back, sticking out her tongue. "But it's an easy fix. Just tell her how you feel."

"Can't."

"Why not?" 

I look over at Jade, dancing amongst the throng of people. Her eyes are still closed, her body moving in time with the frantic pulse of the music. She's relaxed, content. I shake my head. "It's taken her a lifetime to get where she is now. To get to a place where she's happy. I'm not about to complicate things for her."

Dawns frowns, looking at me in puzzlement. "A-Angel? Is that you? Where'd Spike go?" she asks in mock seriousness.

"Ha bloody ha." I toss a french fry at her.

She frowns when it bounces off her forehead and lands in her lap. "Now that was uncalled for," she says, brushing away the offending fry. "I'm only being honest. I've seen the way you look at her and I know for a fact that you two have some serious unresolved sexual tension going on. I've heard about the close calls."

"Close calls?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Spike. You've told me yourself of at least three occasions of near-kissage. Jade's waiting for some more serious action on your part before she's going to put herself out there. You know how she is."

"Did she tell you this?" I ask hopefully.

"Well…not in so many words…but-"

"So this is just your take on the situation?"

"Pretty much. But it's based on real, honest-to-God vibes that I'm getting off you two."

"Any 'vibes' you're getting are probably off me. I'm the poofter with the unrequited love here. Jade doesn't know anything about it and she sure as hell doesn't feel the same way."

"You don't know that. If you'd just talk to her-"

"No."

Dawn sighs. "It's like arguing with a wall." I hear her mumble. "Well, just don't go blaming me for the eternity of what-ifs you have in store for yourself."

I don't respond to her, merely return my attention to the girl on the dance floor and watch her graceful movements with longing.

*****

I smile happily as I make my way over to the table. "Who's going to dance with me?" I ask, breathless from the long session of serious groove-getting-on. Grabbing Spike's drink, I take a long sip and wait for a volunteer. Two faces stare at me unresponsively. "Oh come on!" 

Dawn holds up her hands defensively. "No way. Last time we danced together, people thought we were lesbians. A woman with a mustache hit on me."

I shrug and turn to Spike, who I find is trying desperately to avoid my gaze. "No," he mutters. I put on my best puppy dog face- taught to me by Dawn- but he refuses to look at me. "I know you're putting on that face…it's not going to work." I'm about to let out a short whimper, knowing that'll take the cake when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I whirl around, finding myself face to face with a tall, lean man with dark hair and eyes. I gasp. I think Jade the randy sex kitten wants to come out to play. He's not exactly handsome- his features are thin and his face very angular. But there's something about this guy that just oozes sexuality. And have I mentioned the leather pants? He smiles at me and it sends icy shivers down my spine. 

"Would you care to dance?" he asks. His voice is velvet- deep and smooth and his words are drawn slowly. Without a word I nod and he takes my hand, leading me to the dance floor, his eyes never leaving mine. The dark orbs are flecked with gold, I notice, as he places a hand on my hip and intertwines the other with mine. 

For a moment I'm confused. I haven't danced like this in…ever. It's like one of those old-fashioned ballroom kind of dances that you see in movies- you know, the ones with the big hair and the poofy dresses. Hesitantly, I place my other hand on his forearm and allow him to lead me around the floor to the eerily slow song that now plays.

"What is your name?" he asks.

"Jade."

"I am Lestat."

I laugh. He doesn't. "Y-you're serious?"

"Quite."

"Your name's Lestat? As in Anne Rice, Queen of the Damned, Interview with the Vampire, Lestat?"

"Well…I had the name first." He grins. Oh my.

I suddenly feel the chill of his skin against mine. It's not cold in here. "And exactly _how _long have you had the name?" I ask.

Lestat chuckles. "Clever girl. You know of my kind."

"Yeah. I do." I should be running now. I mean what are the odds that this vamp just wanted a friendly dance? I planned on having fun tonight, dance, maybe grab a bite to eat. I didn't plan on _being_ a bite to eat. So why am I _not_ moving? 

I stare up at him with wide eyes. The memory of the night I was bitten and first learned of vampires is still fresh in my mind, despite the three years that've passed. I've never forgotten the feel of fangs in my neck- the beauty and eroticism of it. How intimate and wonderful a feeling to know a vampire's kiss. For months, maybe years I longed to feel it again until I finally relinquished my hopes and fantasies. But now, looking up at this beautiful creature I want with all my soul to feel his bite.

He's truly gorgeous. His pale skin is a sharp contrast with the dark liner around his eyes. His dark hair curls in unruly locks around his ears. And his lanky frame is clad in the attire of skin tight leather pants, a deep violet shirt, and a black suit coat that fits so well it had to be tailored just for him.

"You have been tasted before." Lestat brushes a cool finger across the scar on my neck. I nod dumbly. "Tell me," he says, his eyes searing into me, "did you like it?" I'm silent. His thin, pale lips draw into smile. "Of course you did." My stomach twists as he leans in to whisper in my ear. "Are you not afraid?"

"No."

"And why not?"

"No reason to be."

"Do you think I will not harm you? Or…is it perhaps that you want me to?"

Images flash through my mind of Lestat's face buried in my neck, his fangs embedded in the skin there and my face contorted with near orgasmic pleasure. No! Badness! I know I should wrench myself from his grasp and run back to Dawn and Spike right now. But I can't…or won't. I'm not sure which.

I feel Lestat's cold hand pushing a lock of hair from my face. Is he gonna-? He is! His cold lips brush against mine and I feel a thousand shivers rush through my body. I moan and arch against him, opening my lips to invite his tongue into my mouth. The cool tongue darts inside, massaging my own until it withdraws and he pulls away. The song is over and another is beginning.

"I must go." 

"Will I see you again?"

He grins. "You will." He takes my hand, planting a kiss on it and without further explanation, he backs away and disappears into the crowd of dancers.

I stand there like an idiot for a moment before turning and heading back to the table. In a daze, I take a seat and calmly stare at my hands. 

"Who _was_ that? Jade? Hello?" Dawn waves her hand in front of my face.

"What?"

"Who was that guy?"

A little smile forms on my face. "That was Lestat."

A.N. Please Review! I love feedback, good and bad!


	3. Part 2

Part 2

Lestat…what the bloody hell kinda of name is that? Sounds like a poof, if you ask me. I glance over at Jade. She's lost in her own little world. Hasn't said a word since we left the Bronze, hasn't told me anything about the guy except his name. My mind wanders back to the kiss I witnessed and a sharp pain stabs at my heart. I sigh. It's like that every time she gets a new boy toy. 

But there's something different this time. Something doesn't feel right. That guy irked me. I think back, remembering watching Jade open her lips invitingly to him, remembering her flushed skin and the small smile playing on her lips when she returned to the table. I remember the scent of her arousal. Stronger than I'd ever sensed it.

The night is silent except for our footfalls on the pavement as we walk to our apartment building. We reach it in silence and ascend the stairs. Damn elevator's broken again. I unlock the door and when we're inside, finally I can take it no more. "What do you know about this…Lestat guy?" 

She looks up at me and in that moment I can tell she's keeping something from me. I can see it in her eyes. She looks away immediately. "Um…not much. He's just a guy."

"Jade," I say menacingly. 

"What?"

"There's more to this. I know it."

She sighs. "Lestat's…not just a guy. He's…a vampire."

"What?" I scream despite myself. "A vampire? Are you out of your bleeding mind?"

"_You're_ a vampire!"

"I'm different!"

"Only because you have a stupid little piece of metal in your brain!"

I have to bite my tongue. The words I've been longing to say to her just almost flew out of my mouth. No, I'm different because I'm in love with you. 

I stare at her silently for a moment before heading down the hall to my room. Her rapid footsteps are behind me and then I feel her hand on my shoulder. There's an urge to jerk away from her touch. But I don't.

"I'm sorry," she says meakly.

"Promise me you won't see that vampire again."

"No. I can't promise you that."

Anger replaces my previous melancholy. "Can't or won't? Damn it, Jade! This isn't a game! Do I have to beat it into your head? He's dangerous. I thought you were past all that."

"Past all what?" she demands.

"Past wanting to destroy your life!" 

I remember that night, three years ago. She'd been out partying as usual. Then she came home. When I found her, she was a sobbing mess, sitting at her vanity. All the make-up was gone. The façade was gone. She was so beautiful. She'd let go. Let go of all the grief in her life. Let go of the pain and the memories. She'd started over. I held her as she cried and it was the first time I realized I wanted to hold her like that for eternity. But now she's on a frighteningly familiar path and I know where it ends. 

I clench my fists at my sides. I'm going to have to put my foot down. "You're not seeing him again. And that's final." 

"This is bullshit!" I hear her cry as I go into my room and close the door.

*****

That son of a bitch. Who does he think he is? I scowl as I lay awake in bed.

He's just worried about me, I know. But I'm gonna ignore the part of my brain that just said that- the part that's also telling me that Spike's right and I'm insane to even consider seeing Lestat again.

I brush a trembling finger over my lips. I can still feel Lestat's cool mouth over mine. I smile.

There's something so inticing about the forbidden. Knowing what you're doing is wrong only seems to add to the excitement and enjoyment of it. I shudder as I think of the enjoyment I could get out of Lestat's forbidden fruit.

No! Bad thoughts! Bad Jade! What do I want to tempt fate for? I know this vampire wants to kill me- possibly turn me. There's no way he just wants a nice shag. And my life's finally on track. College is going good and though I still have no fucking clue what my major is, I have high hopes for my future. And so does Spike.

Spike. Now there's a quandary. Talk about forbidden fruit. If he knew how I felt… I shudder to myself. It'd be the end of my world. I can't lose him. Not now. Not ever. I love him. But he can never know it.

It makes me cry sometimes. I never thought myself capable of that kind of love- the love that surpasses 'You're hot so let's screw.' And the one guy that I finally truly love is the one guy I can't have.

Sometimes I see him look at me like…like he loves me like I love him. But I know that he just loves me in that, 'Hey, pet, what do you want to watch on the telly tonight?' way. The first year in the apartment I considered it a possibility that he might love me. The whole, "I'll shag you one day" bit fueled this belief. But as time passed our relationship changed. I changed. He changed. And I'm now convinced that my feelings are one sided.

So I take what I can get- those little moments when I can rest my head on his shoulder or hug him or give him a kiss on the cheek. They hurt. But they're worth the pain.

I glance at my bedside clock. It's almost five in the morning. He'll be in bed. Best time to apologize- when he's incoherent.

I get up and trudge across the hall and open his door a crack. The heavy drapes are pulled and there's not a bit of light anywhere. So I feel my way slowly across the room. I trip on his boot- the pig- and I catch myself on the edge of the bed.

"Teach you to go sneaking about a bloke's room," his voice comes from the darkness of the bed.

I scowl. "You could've warned me about the damn shoe. I'm not the one in here with night-vision." I climb onto the bed and feel around until I'm under the covers. "Light, please?"

He chuckles and I hear the click of the switch before the room is dimly illuminated by the lamp on his bedside table. He's shirtless. Damn it. Turn the light off. Just turn it off and this will be so much easier.

"Did you want something, pet? Cause I'm a bit tired." His voice is cold. I really pissed him off this time. 

"I want to say I'm sorry."

"OK."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, now that that's done-"

"Spike, I mean it! I'm sorry." I can't stand it when you're mad at me. It scares me. I'm scared I'll lose you and all I want you to do right now is hold me. Why can't I say that out loud?

He scowls. "Does saying you're sorry mean that you won't see lover-vamp?"

So that's how he's gonna play it? "No."

"Then you didn't really apologize did you? You didn't admit you were wrong."

"But I'm not wrong," I insist. Why does he make me do this? I _am_ wrong. I know I'm wrong. But my damn pride isn't gonna let me tell him that. 

"We have nothing more to say to each other, Jade." He reaches over and turns off the light. I don't want to leave. I want to lay down and snuggle beside him and say that I was wrong and I love him. But he's mad. I doubt he'd take kindly to cuddling. And there's no way in hell that I'm turning into Jade-shaped goo for him. Not again.

Damn him. He can just go fuck himself. I put myself out there and apologized and he throws it back in my face. Well, forget him. I don't need him. 

Yes. I do. But he doesn't have to know that. In a huff I climb out of the bed and leave the room, making sure to slam the door behind me.


	4. Part 3

Part 3

I stare blankly at the book laid out in front of me. The words on the page stopped making sense ten minutes ago. The letters began to blur five minutes ago and I've reread the same paragraph three times. With a sigh, I close the book and stand to return it to its place on the shelf. So much for studying for exams.

When I turn back around, I'm surprised to find someone directly behind me. "Lestat!" I gasp, clutching my chest in shock.

"Did I frighten you?" he asks with a languid smile.

"Just a bit. W-What are you doing here?"

He doesn't answer, merely extends his hand to me. I look at it thoughtfully. Oh what the hell. I take it and as he leads me out of the UC Sunnydale Library I ask where we're going.

"Your place."

My feet stop moving and he drags me a couple feet before he stops and turns. "No way," I say, shaking my head vigorously. "We can't go to my place."

"And why not?" He chuckles and pulls me to his chest. His skin is cool, but not clammy. Like Spike's. "Are you scared?" he whispers in my ear.

"N-No. Well…a little bit," I admit. "But I have this roommate and he's…" He's an overprotective vampire who actually has more brains than me considering I'm standing here with a non-chipped vampire holding hands like we're best buddies but I can't help it cause you smell _really_ good and apparently I'm a vampire-slut cause I'm thinking more about the pointiness in your mouth than in your pants. "…probably not even at home. Let's go." 

*****

"A vampire?" Dawn gasps. "Well…kinda makes sense now. What with the name and all."

"Huh?"

"Lestat. Anne Rice? The Vampire Chronicles?"

"Bloody hell. What a poofter. I bet that's not even his real name."

I'm on my third glass of vodka but it hasn't kicked in yet. It takes a lot more than three glasses to get me hammered. Of course, getting hammered at the Bronze hadn't exactly been my plan when I left the flat this evening. I'd planned on Willy's Place. Nice and cozy, no prying eyes staring at you. Everyone minds his own bloody business. 

But then I'd bumped into the Nibblet and she lured me here with promises of blooming onions. Damn manipulative little chit. So here I am, drowning my sorrows in vodka, blooming onions, and spicy buffalo wings and sharing my feelings with Miss Psychology Major herself. 

"How does this make you feel? Jade dating another vampire?" she asks. The girl all but takes out a little pad and pencil.

"Shrink to the undead," I chuckle to myself.

"Answer me."

"I don't bloody know!" I growl. "It's just…if she's gonna fuck up her life by going out with a vampire, why can't that vampire be me?"

"Do you think…maybe she wants to go out with this guy _because_ of you?"

"Didn't follow you around that bend, pet."

"You're a vampire…he's a vampire…" I stare at her blankly. She sighs. "OK…think of it this way. Hypothetical situation- you're in love with a girl with red hair. But you can't have the girl with red hair. But then you meet another girl with red hair who _will_ love you. Now there're tons of girls who'll go out with you, but you choose the one with the red hair. Why? Because subconsciously, she reminds you of the one you can't have."

"OK…so you're saying, she's going out with this bloke because she's in love with me and can't have me?"

"Exactly."

"Rubbish." Dawn sighs in frustration. "She's going out with this guy because he's a vampire and the idea of vampires has always gotten her off. Ever since she was bitten. Bite's sort of addictive that way. I've seen it a thousand times."

"Then why don't you give her what she wants?" She waggles her eyebrows suggestively at me.

"Bugger off."

"Seriously, Spike. If she wants the bite, you can give her the bite. And it'd be a lot safer from you. Do you think that Lestat's gonna just stop drinking before she's dead? You've got to stop her. Tell her you love her."

I merely grunt and down the rest of my drink, motioning to the bartender for another. 

*****

My hand shakes as I unlock the door to the apartment. What's wrong with me? I've never been this nervous before. Not about this. I can feel Lestat behind me, his hands running over my hips and coming to rest on my waist as he gently nibbles on my ear. 

The door opens and I walk in. This is my last chance. I can stop this now. I can slam the door in his face and stay in here until Spike comes home. But my mouth doesn't seem to be communicating with my mind as I hear myself invite him in.

He smiles, stepping over the threshhold and shutting the door behind him. It closes with a loud click. Actually, it probably wasn't as loud as I thought it was. But all sound is like thunder to me now. The click of the door, the air moving through the air conditioner, the hum of the refrigerator, my heart, my rapid breathing, the sound of his boots on the hardwood floor as he slowly walks toward me. It all echoes in my head and I'm suddenly feeling a bit dizzy.

But it's all drowned out when his cool lips touch mine. Gently, gently at first he massages my lips with his and his hands trace circles around the small of my back. This is nice. This is wrong. 

But wrong always feels so good. My body takes over, leaving my mind to sit and enjoy the show. I feel my hands pulling the velvet coat off his shoulders. Mmm…broad shoulders… The coat hits the floor, followed closely by his shirt and then mine. 

My feet come off the floor to hook around his waist. He carries me through the hall. I'm kissing him, my tongue gently exploring his mouth. So cool…not hot and sticky like a human's. We're in the bedroom now and I fall back onto the bed. 

The sheets are so soft and cool against my burning skin. The smell of cigarettes wafts up around me. Wait…this isn't right…shit. The smell is so strong in here. Cigarettes and liquor. This isn't my room. It's Spike's. But the communication having ceased between my mind and body, I can't protest. And soon I don't want to.

His lips are all over me. Cool, soft, but so strong. Urgently moving, his tongue tracing a line between my breasts down to my navel. It dips inside, inciting a tiny moan before he pulls away. Lestat's hands deftly unclasp my bra and I hear it land somewhere in the room.

A cool hand cups my left breast, pinching and teasing the nipple, drawing a long loud moan from me. I struggle with the button on his leather pants. Then the zipper. Can't get them off in this position. Quickly I flip us over, catching him offguard I think. His eyes convey his shock, then something akin to amusement as I pull the pants off his legs. They land somewhere behind us on the floor.

He chuckles as I straddle him, raking my long fingernails down his chest, leaving long red marks in their wake. He hisses, his back arching and he doesn't bother to unbutton my skirt. Just rips it off of me along with my black silk bikinis. Damn. I just got those. Oh well. I can buy more.

Both completely naked now, I sit and enjoy the feeling of his cool skin againt mine for a moment as he sits up, pulling me to his chest, his mouth dangerously close to my neck. I shiver when he begins nipping and biting at the soft skin there and am so absorbed by it that I don't notice when he lifts me onto him, burying himself deep inside me. I cry out at the shock of it, eliciting a soft growl from him.

I rock back and forth on him, grinding into his pelvis, desperately wanting all of him inside me. His strong hands grip my hips, lifting me up and then back down on him and I scream with the force of it. It hurts but I don't care. This is part of the experience. And oh, what an experience it is.

He picks up speed, lifting me and slamming me back down so hard and fast that I can't see anything but a blur anymore. So when I shut my eyes, I hear instead of see the bones shifting in his face as it changes into its vampiric features. 

The pressure in my abdomen is growing tighter and I clench around him, earning a feral growl. Closer…closer…closer… His lips are on my neck again, but this time I can feel the sharp incisors scratching at the skin. Closer…closer… The fangs sink into my neck and I scream with the pain and the pleasure of it all, falling over the edge. I feel his muscles tighten before he releases inside me and I gasp out my exhaustion, slumping against his chest.

His fangs are still buried in my neck and I can feel streams of my warm blood flowing from the wound, escaping his mouth to run down my chest. Things start to grow dim but I don't want him to stop. My last thought as everything fades into blackness is that Spike's gonna be pissed when he sees I bled on his sheets.


	5. Part 4

Part 4

Pain. Lots of pain. That's the first thing I register as I slowly come back into consciousness. Every muscle in my body feels likes it's been set on fire, then repeatedly beaten as it burns. I groan. Loudly. But there's no one to hear me. The room's empty. Lestat is gone.

It smells like cigarettes and sex in here. I try to sit up but just fall back into the soft sheets. Red. Red sheets. No. Not red sheets. White sheets stained red. Spike's white sheets stained red. Spike. Shit.

I'm in Spike's room. In Spike's bed. I had crazy, mind-blowing, monkey sex with a vampire who isn't Spike in Spike's bed. Shit. I've gotta get outta here. He'll be home soon. It's almost five AM. Damn it. 

Summoning up as much strength as I can, I get up and begin frantically searching for my clothes. Naturally they're spread as far apart around the room as possible and some articles are completely lost in the piles of Spike's dirty clothes that lay discarded on the floor. Fuck. My bra, my bra. Where's my bra? I start calling it as if it'll come to me.

I'm still stumbling about the room, bloodied sheet clutched tightly around my naked body, calling my lost bra when I hear the front door open. My blood goes cold and I can actually hear my heart thundering in my ears. 

His clunky Doc Martens thump across the wood floor. So slow. Like he's taking a step every hour. His footfalls become muted when he reaches the carpeted hall. Closer…closer…

Move! Run! My mind is screaming at my body and suddenly I'm running, ducking into the adjoining bathroom and slamming the door. Smart, Jade. Real smart. Lock yourself in _his_ bathroom where there's no way out but the way you came in. Sheer genius. 

I lean against the sink as I hear him coming closer and closer to the door to his room. Something feels hard and tight across my chest. A look in the mirror shows me the stream of dried blood from the two puncture wounds in my neck. Oh God. What have I done?

A shaky hand reaches up to touch the wounds. They're caked with blood and still sore. I wince as my fingernail scratches against one of the scabs, opening the wound anew and allowing fresh blood to trickle out. 

The door to the bedroom opens. There's a moment of deafening silence and I'm positive my heart stops for that moment. In my mind's eye I can see him scanning the room- _his_ room. His sanctuary. Seeing the missing sheets. A few stray drops of blood and probably some stray drops of something else. Smelling sex, my familiar pina colada shampoo, Lestat's cologne, and blood.

"Jade," he screams. His voice cracks with anger…and…fear? I hear him tear through the apartment. The door to my room, I suppose, crashes open. I hear the wood splinter and I wince with the sound. "Jade?" 

There's something hot and stinging in my eyes. My vision blurs with the swelling of my tears and I begin to choke and gasp, clutching the corner of the sink for support. What have I done? What have I done?

*****

I stop tearing through the apartment in a blind rage and just stand, listening, smelling. There. A heartbeat. I follow it, running towards the sound. Into my room. I ignore the smells that bring forth my demon and violently push it away. There. In my bathroom. 

I hear a sob from inside and try the knob. Locked. "Jade!" I scream. I can smell the blood. So sweet…so scared. Used to be I'd revel in the scent of that. But not now. Not when the woman I love is cowering in a bathroom afraid…afraid of me, afraid of something else? I don't know. 

"Jade!" I scream again, pounding on the door. That's it. The wood of the door splinters under my boot, just like all the other doors in the apartment just have. With a crash the door hits the tiled floor, earning a shrill scream from the girl inside.

I charge toward her, but stop, taking in the scene. She's wrapped in my sheet. My sheet that used to be white. Now it's crimson. Soaked through with her blood. There're streaks of dried blood running down her chest and through the valley between her breasts where they disappear into the sheet. 

Cor…she's huddled beside the sink, clutching onto it for dear life. Tears are pouring- literally pouring- down her cheeks and as she looks up at me she begins to shake violently. My knees begin to give out at the sight of her. I sink to the tiled floor, my eyes transfixed on her face. 

"What have you done?" I hear myself ask. A fresh burst of agonized tears erupts accompanied by a sorrowful wail. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she chants over and over.

"Shh, pet." I gather her in my arms. She smells like him. Stupid bitch. She smells like blood and sex and an unfamiliar cologne. I force myself to ignore the demon that threatens to rise to the surface and whisper comforting words to her. 

"I'm so sorry." Is all I can discern from her agonized mumblings until finally she calms down and her tense back muscles relax under the gentle circles my hands are rubbing. "I didn't mean to…in your room…I didn't mean…we just…I didn't realize until it was too late."

So that's it? She's not sorry that she fucked a vampire. She's not sorry that she's covered in her own blood now. She's sorry that it happened in my room. And she's very sorry that I'm angry with her. 

Her big green eyes turn up to look fearfully at me when I go rigid at this thought. I push her away coldly. Bloody stupid bint. I come home, finally ready to profess my literally undying love for her and I find this- an apartment that reeks of another vampire, a woman that reeks of another vampire, and my room that reeks of another vampire.

I glare at her. Never in my life or unlife have I hated anyone as I hate her now. Love can do that. Love never comes alone. It brings friends. Jealousy, bitterness, and resentment are its frequent paramours. I've never been the kind of bloke to believe that "love means never having to say you're sorry" or that it was all happy shagging and rosebuds. Love is harsh and cruel and it consumes you. It can make you something you never thought you were or could be. Love doesn't move mountains. It bloody destroys them. 

Jade's understood that. Even when she proclaimed that'd she'd never fall in love. She knew. She was never one of the sunny happy people. She was never unrealistic about it. And I love her for it. Love her so much it hurts.

My eyes find the blood-covered wounds on her neck. Lestat's a messy eater. But I know that this wasn't a snack for him. I know what he's doing. I know why Jade is sitting here now, not lying dead on my bed. And he won't get away with it. 

Jade shivers and unconsciously pulls the sheet closer around her. Unwillingly my heart fills with sympathy. She looks so helpless. So lost. I gently take hold of her shoulder and help her to her feet. 

"Come on, pet. Let's get you cleaned up."

TBC…

Please review guys! I really want to know what you all think about this!!


	6. Part 5

Part 5

I'm on autopilot right now, perched on the edge of the sink in Spike's bathroom with only the thin sheet between me and the cold marble. I'm pretty sure my face is blank but inside I'm reeling with the past few hours' events. 

I feel horrible. And I'm not just talking about the physical pain from the wounds on my neck and the fact that I don't think I can walk straight anymore. I hurt Spike. When he broke down the bathroom door, I've never been more scared in my life. The look in his eyes was wild…frightening. I could see his demon and tell he was fighting it back. He was that mad at me.

But then, when he pulled me into his arms, I thought maybe things would be ok. Maybe he wasn't as mad as I'd thought. And then I'd cried out my relief, my pain, my fear, my guilt, my regret in his arms. Such strong, comforting arms. I wanted to stay in them forever, to just melt into his chest. But then I'd pulled myself together enough to apologize and I don't know what happened. He went cold. His manner changed. 

Right now he's being gentle with me. But I know that there's something else below the surface. His face is as blank as he washes the dried blood from my skin. His hands…God his hands… It'd feel perfect if he wasn't so distant from me. The soapy cloth is warm and soothing and he's being ever so careful with me. Like I'm a china doll or something. 

Lestat's hands weren't like that. Lestat… His hands were… They were commanding, powerful. I could feel everything in his hands. All over me. His lips too. I close my eyes as I remember the feel of him. His skin. His lips. His hands. His tongue. His bite.

It was amazing. So much more than the first time I was bitten. The rush. I felt like my energy was flowing out of me- which I guess it was- but at the same time, I was on this high, floating like I was in water but I wasn't…ecstasy that you can only get from a vamp bite. I'd take fangs over cock anytime.

I wonder what Spike's bite would feel like. Now _that_ would be amazing. To get that rush from a vampire like Spike- a vampire who I actually love- would be… No words could describe it.

He's staring at me with those eyes of his. He can smell my arousal. His hand stops for a second. Not even a second. A millisecond. So small a pause that I almost missed it except for the look in his eyes. I've seen that look before. That little burst of flame that I used to think was for me. I'd given up hope but now…maybe…

His touch suddenly changes. No longer is it the empty carefulness of a moment ago. It's soft and gentle and in his touch I can feel his need. No. It has to be my imagination. Could he…?

The cloth dabs at my neck. I hiss at the pain of it and he gives me an apologetic look and caresses my cheek, leaving a trail of ice where his hand touched my hot skin. My breathing grows more shallow and I inch towards him.

Those eyes… They look into mine uncertainly as the cloth slides down my throat, over my chest, and stops above the sheet. Carefully I drop the crimson stained sheet and a falls around my waist. 

Spike's gaze lingers for a moment on my breasts. Then he begins to wipe away the blood dried between them. So gentle… So soft… He's closer to me now. Standing between my legs, his face inches from mine. 

I look at his lips. They're so kissable…the bottom full while the top is barely there at all. I want to kiss him. So bad it hurts. And I'm going to. Now or never. I'm going to take this chance. Hell, I took a chance with my life by sleeping with Lestat. Why not this?

Wait. I stop myself. What I'm risking here is different. I'm risking my relationship with Spike. Things are never going to be the same between us. What if he doesn't love me like I love him? What if I'm reading him wrong? He's probably operating on full-demon mode right now with the scent of my blood and my arousal all around him. 

Would he regret it? Would he push me away after? I couldn't face that. "Spike…" I meant that to sound like a protest. It came out as a moan. Apparently that was all the invite he needed.

His lips are on mine. Cool like Lestat's but there's an electricity between us that was lacking with the other vampire. I feel it but I don't name it. I can't. Not now. Because I know it isn't real. None of this is. 

I remember hearing Buffy talk once about the nature of vampires. They're extremely territorial. Somewhere in the recesses of Spike's mind, he thinks of me as his just like he thinks of Dawn and all the Scoobies as his. That's all this is. Marking his territory. Claiming what's his.

I don't want this. If he doesn't love me, I'm not going to lose what little I have with him because I couldn't control myself. I already lost control with Lestat. I won't with Spike. Spike means too much. 

I have to jerk myself away, and tears spring to my eyes at the loss of contact. "W-We…we can't," I hear myself say. "No."

Damn it. There's that hurt puppy dog look. He steps back, averting his eyes. He's ashamed of what we did. Ashamed of that kiss. Thank God I stopped that when I did. If he regrets one little kiss so much then I shudder to think what the reaction would be if I'd let it progress to where I wanted it to just now.

Suddenly I'm very aware of the fact that I'm topless. Frantically, I gather the sheet around me and mumble something about getting dressed before running out of the room.

*****

Bloody fucking sodding hell! Damn it! How could I have been so stupid? I kissed her. I fucking kissed her. What is wrong with me? I've just buggered up everything I've been trying to preserve. Dawn was wrong. Jade doesn't love me. Not like I love her.

But she sure as hell better not love that bloody ponce…Lestat. I'll kill him. I'll stake him soon as night falls. Hell, I should go through the sewers now and find him. He's going to pay for playing her like this. Oldest trick in the book. Something right out of Angelus' manual. Obviously Lestat is one of those poofy "artistry" killers or else Jade'd be dead right now.

I shudder and push that thought from my head. 

He's making her want it. Crave it. He'll take a little bit of her blood and a little bit of her control at a time. Maybe three, four times before she's bloody begging him and he'll kill her…probably turn her. Bastard. She's already craving, I know. She always has craved. But now she's lost some of her control and she'll seek him out soon. Bloody hell.

I race into her room, the door's been propped up in the doorway to give her a bit of privacy. I push it out of the way. It's empty.

TBC…

Please review, guys! Or e-mail me! Just tell me what you think- what you like or hate or even if you think this sucks, I need feedback!


	7. Part 6

Part 6

I land with a soft thud on the ground below the fire escape. That was handy. My heart is pounding and my breath comes heavily. My feet take off at a run. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. 

But I don't really care. I just couldn't stay in that apartment. Not one more second. Not knowing that that mindblowing kiss meant nothing to Spike when I thought my world would collapse with the power of it. God…what is wrong with me? How could I have let that happen? 

I just need to be someplace else. I need time to think. It's not anywhere near being dark yet so I'm safe to wander the streets of Sunnydale aimlessly. Or at least one might think that. But then I go and find my way to Crawford Street- the 'creepy mansion' district- into possibly the creepiest mansion of them all. Smart, Jade. Real smart. 

The tacky red wallpaper is peeling off the walls. The floorboards creak and groan beneath my feet. Cobwebs suspend in the corners of the great rooms and the windows are covered in boards, bathing the whole interior in darkness, despite the noon time sunshine outside.

I freeze when I hear a sound behind me. A mouse. Only a mouse. These houses are full of creepy crawlies. I breath a sigh of relief, only to jump about a mile in the air when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I scream and whirl around. My eyes widen and I gasp.

"Lestat."

*****

I glance at the clock. It's almost one in the afternoon. Where is she? I'm going bloody insane stuck in here. After I discovered her empty room, I decided to give her her space, give her a bit of time to herself. She probably didn't want to be around me anyhow. Not after what happened. Not after what I did.

Cor…I know I've bollocksed everything up but…I keep feeling her lips on mine. So soft and so warm. She tasted spicy sweet, like cinnamon, like I always imagined she would. I want to know what the rest of her feels like. Tastes like. 

I growl as her glaring absense in the apartment reminds me of why I can never find that out. I'll just give her time. She should be home soon. Soon. But not soon enough. 

It's light out so I know she's not in danger, but there's this itching, nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I grab the cordless phone off the wall and stare at the buttons. OK…now Jade programmed this thing with all the Scoobs' numbers…what button was the slayers' house? 

After a few moments of fumbling about with the keypad, I finally am successful in dialing Buffy's number. Dawn answers. 

"Is Jade there?" I demand.

"Spike? No. No. Jade's not here. What's wrong?"

"She hasn't been by at all?"

"No. Spike, what's going on? You're scaring me."

I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. "She left. And I don't know where she went and I've got this feeling…"

"Did you tell her how you feel?"

"What? No."

"But I thought that's what you were going to do!"

"Yea, well when the bloody trollop went and shagged another vamp in my bed, it kind of put a hamper on any declarations of love."

"Oh my God," she gasps. "Is that why she left?"

"Well…no. Listen, I don't have time for this, Nibblet. I'm worried about her. I need to find out where she is."

"It's still light out. I don't think you have anything to worry about. She probably went for a walk or something. I'm sure she'll be back soon."

"Yea…" I hang up the phone. The anxiousness in the pit of my stomach just got worse. I've got to find her. Something's wrong. I know it. I've got to find her.

The sewers.

TBC….

Please review!!!!!! Tell me what you think! This'll be wrapped up in a few chapters, and feedback gets you those chapters faster!!


	8. Part 7

Part 7

"L-Lestat…what are you-"

"Doing here?" He grins slowly and it sends chills down my spine. But not the good kind. The shadows of the house make the planes of his face deeper and more frightening than I've ever known them. His handsome features are scary to me now. "I should be asking that of you. This is my home."

Oh. Shit. I freeze, locked in place, my eyes wide with fear. Lestat chuckles, stepping closer to me, his lithe body pressed against mine. He rubs his cheek against mine and I hear him inhale the scent of me. When he looks down at me, his eyes are yellow. 

"Why are you here, my pet?" he asks with a devilish grin. He knows why I'm here. He knew before I did. "You want more…I feel it. I feel your yearning. It is very strong. With most, it takes three bites to achieve the yearning you feel."

I'm an addict. Like a druggie. And Lestat's the creepy dealer who waves more of the drug in front of my face, inticing me, pulling me back into it's power. And if the look in his eyes is any indication, I'm guessing I'm about to overdose.

"I can give you want you want…" he's saying. 

No. No. I don't want it. Not from you. 

"…you can have it…" 

I want this from _Spike_. I want _Spike's_ hands. _Spike's_ lips. _Spike's_ fangs. I want _his_ bite. I want him to love me, to turn me. I want to be with him… 

"…for eternity."

Lestat's pushed my hair back and his lips are poised over the bite marks he made just hours before. I've got to stop him. But his hold over me…this magic, psychic, vampirey hold thing is so powerful. I close my eyes as I feel my body unwillingly respond to him. I focus my mind on one thing- one person. 

"No." 

With that one word, Lestat freezes and draws back to stare wide-eyed at me. "What?"

"No," I repeat it stronger, more forcefully this time and I pull out of his grasp. 

His initial shock is wearing off and he growls fiercely. For the first time in his presence I'm afraid. The mystery and allure have faded, like one of Willow's glamours and I'm seeing clearly now. Slowly I back away from him, preparing to run. It's still light out. If I can just get outside…

"Bitch." He lunges for me and I fall under his weight, screaming as I hit the hard floor. My head reels with the impact and Lestat pins my arms above my head, effectively halting any movement on my part. The rage in his golden eyes is like I've never seen in anyone's before. But when he speaks, his voice is dangerously low. "I underestimated you. You seemed the easy kill. You want it, I know. You crave it. I didn't even have to use a fraction of my power to lure you into me. You gave yourself so easily, whore. But now I see that I will have a challenge on my hands after all and oh, am I going to enjoy this."

I digest his words with a grain of salt. The panic spreading through my body is blocking out any other affect they could have on me. So I do the only thing that makes sense. I scream. Loud. To my ears, it's a shrill, terrified sound that lasts for a few moments before I realize that I'm screaming a word. A name. 

"Spiiiiiiiiiiiike!"

Lestat's momentary confusion gives me all the opportunity I need. A swift knee to the crotch- gets 'em every time, dead or no- and I'm racing as fast as I can away from the vampire. However, it's a matter of seconds before I realize I have no idea where I'm going. 

I don't know how I got in here and I don't know how to get out. Where the hell is the exit? This is just a long corridor with rows and rows of doors, none of which look like they lead outside. He's behind me. I can hear him coming closer…closer. My feet take off at a run and I duck through one of the doors, locking it behind me. I find myself in a cavernous room with- oh great- a large, four poster bed.

OK, calm down Jade. Think. What would Spike do? Spike would stop running like a pansy and go kick Lestat's ass. Not exactly an option for me. Hiding's not much of an option either, though. Lestat can probably hear my heartbeat a mile away. And smell me too. 

Running. Running is my only option. My only chance. A slim chance, since he has, you know, super-speed. There's a door on the other side of the room. Please don't' be a closet, please don't be a closet. I dash towards it and fling it open and I scream when I come face to face with Lestat.

The door makes a loud banging sound as I slam it shut and run back into the hall. I don't aim for any place in particular, I just run down the corridor. The floorboards creak and groan beneath my pounding feet and I round a corner, screaming in anguish when it's a dead end. Shit!

His footsteps are behind me. Slow. So slow. Coming closer, closer, closer. "Jade…" he calls in a sing-song voice followed by manic laughter. He's insane. He's fucking insane. And I slept with him. Ugh. OK…focus, Jade. Think. 

Spike taught me a little self-defense. Enough to take on maybe a drunken, one-legged fledgling. 

I hear his voice in my head, a conversation from long ago. "Aim straight. Keep your footing."

"What if I can't kill it?"

"Then you hold it off as long as you can until I get there."

"And what if you don't come?"

"I will, pet. I will."

There's a wooden candlestick lying on its side on a little table nearby. I guess it's my only shot. With a shaky hand I pick it up and turn to face the sound of Lestat's approaching footsteps.

TBC…

Reviews please!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Part 8

Part 8

He laughs when he sees me. Laughs. Jackass. We'll see who's laughing after this is all over. OK, it'll probably be him. But there's something to be said for bravado- warranted or not. "Well, at least she went out fighting," they'll say. "Fighting badly, but fighting." My fingers wrap tightly around the candlestick and a glare at the laughing vampire.

With a strong- I think- thrust, I aim my weapon for his heart, just where Spike taught me. Lestat blocks it easily, knocking my arm away with one hand and backhanding me with the other. I crash into the wall behind me, falling unceremoniously amongst the dust and debris to the floor. Every part of my body aches but with shear will power I stand and face Lestat, still clutching the candlestick. 

He growls impatiently. "I grow tired of these games," he says and reaches out to take my meager weapon from me. I jerk it away just in time and try to swing it in under his arm. With a move so fast I didn't even see it, he grabs my wrist, twisting it painfully, and pulls me to his chest. I cry out as he wrenches my wrist around in a direction it was never meant to go and with a sickening crunch my hand goes limp.

The candlestick falls to the floor. Fuck. OK, it's desperation time. I start to scream and kick and claw, trying to free myself from his grasp. Over my cries I hear his voice, "Why are you fighting this? I am giving you _eternity_."

"I don't want it," I growl, stilling my thrashing for the moment.

"Hmm." He seems to consider this and momentary hope swells in my chest. But then he says, "Oh well." And his fangs are buried in my neck.

It hurts. It hurts like never before. There's no pleasure in this. Only intense pain. I can feel my blood rushing into his mouth, some pouring down my chest in the same streams Spike had cleaned off earlier. 

Spike. Oh God, Spike. He's never going to know. I'm going to die and I've never told him how I feel. He'll think I didn't care. No. Please no. I can't die like this. I can't go without telling him.

Things begin to grow hazy and dark and I fight the blackness, whimpering pathetically with the last of my strength. "Spike…love Spike…so sorry…" I murmur. If Lestat hears me he ignores me- merely continues drinking. "…love Spike."

*****

It was her scent that led me here. But it was her scream that made me find her. If my heart beat anymore it'd be pounding as I find her limp in Lestat's arms. She's not dead, though. 

Rage I haven't felt since I was last around Angelus swells inside me and with a roar I tackle Lestat, catching the ponce by surprise. We roll along the floor and when we stop, I'm punching him, leaning over him, his face a bloody mass under my fist. But then he regains himself after his initial shock and with a powerful push of his legs, I'm flying through the air. 

It's not a split second after I hit the ground before I'm up again, charging him with the feral growl of my demon. Bloody ponce. Fights like he looks- weak. It'll be a while before I finally dust him. This bastard is going to pay. Slowly.

A kick for daring to even look at my woman. A punch for touching her. Another punch for biting her. A foot to the crotch for doing it in my bed. He falls to his knees with the last one and while he's there, I introduce my knee to his face. 

But he grabs my knee and suddenly I'm on the floor. That was a bit unexpected, I must admit. Even more unexpected is when I'm lifted into the air by my throat and smashed against a wall. 

"Who are you?" he growls.

I laugh, though the pressure on my neck is intense and painful. "Spike."

"Well, Spike, it's nice to meet you." Lestat grins and suddenly I feel something pressed against my chest. It's a bleeding candlestick. A _wooden_ candlestick. Oh bloody hell.

But before he can end my unlife, his face contorts in shock and pain and he turns to dust before my eyes. When the dust clears, I see Jade standing before me, panting, bloody, and holding a jagged piece of wood. In her shaking hand.

"Cor, love-" She stumbles forward and I catch her in my arms. 

Her heartbeat is slow. I can hear it. But she looks up at me with those beautiful green eyes- eyes that are hazy and distant now- and she smiles. 

"I love you," she whispers and closes her eyes.

TBC…….

One more chapter to go, peoples! And yes, I know I'm evvvviiiilllll for my cliffhangers. 

Anyways, please please please review and if you like this story, check out my others- especially the prequel to this "Jade" if you haven't already- on my website "A Reason for Unliving" www.geocities.com/saffire457 


	10. Part 9

Part 9

"I love you. I love you. I love you." The words repeat in my mind, echoing even as the world fades away and darkness swirls around me. I told him!

But I'm still not ready to die. I'm scared to die. It's so cold and I can feel Spike's arms around me. I want to stay with him. I finally told him and now I'm dying. But I told him. I have that at least. My body relaxes with this knowledge and I can let go. 

*****

The darkness starts to part and my thoughts become my own. I regain consciousness and my first thought is, I'm not dead. I'm not dead. It takes a second to sink in. I'm not dead. Although the way I feel right now I kind of wish I was. My head is splitting- metaphorically speaking- my wrist hurts, my neck hurts, hell, my whole body hurts. 

And what the fuck is that sound? That beeping. It's annoying. I wish somebody would turn it off. Wait a sec.

My mind clears and I struggle to open my eyes. I'm lying in a hospital bed. The beeping is my heart monitor and there's a stiffness around my wrist- a cast. Bunches of tubes and needles protrude from my arms, but I don't care. Instead focus on the blonde head resting on the edge of my bed and the cool hand clutching mine.

His eyes are closed and he's deathly still. He's asleep. It's become normal to me not to see the rise and fall of breath when he's sleeping. It never strikes me as strange. I smile to myself as he growls, his face shifting into vampiric ridges and then back again. He's dreaming.

Wow. I never knew I could feel so happy to see someone. It's like my heart is swelling just looking at him. This is my second chance. I almost lost him. Not again. I'm not going to let it happen again. I don't care if he doesn't love me back. I'm going to love him whether he likes it or not. How can I not?

He begins to stir, he lifts his head off the blankets and looks up at me- his face the picture of concern. I manage a weak smile and at this he lets out a cry and his arms are around me. My aching body screams at the action but I don't make a sound. I just want to feel his arms around me. 

"I thought I'd never see you again," he says. "Bloody scared me to death." He holds me out at arms length and his tone turns angry. "Don't ever do that again!" But then I'm cradled once more to his chest and he's stroking my hair and planting kisses on my forehead.

It takes a moment before I realize that I'm crying. "I…I'm sorry," I stutter. "For everything. I was just…just scared. Spike…I-I-"

"You're awake!" Dawn exclaims from the door. Her arms are filled with little bags of snacks and a tray of coffee. She sits the snacks and tray down on a table by the door and comes to sit beside me on the bed, pushing Spike out of the way. "How do you feel? Do you need anything?"

"No…I'm fine."

"Spike told me what happened. Are you…do you want to talk about it?"

I shrug. "Not really much to talk about. I just…I feel really stupid now. I mean…Lestat was a vampire. I know the rules. Please don't feed the vampires. But…it was like he had some kind of hold over me. And I didn't exactly fight it. Not until it was almost too late. And not until after I hurt…" Wait. I look up and the room is empty other than Dawn and myself. "…Spike," I finish dumbly. "Where'd he go?"

Dawn looks around and shrugs. "I don't know."

*****

Four days. Four frigging days and I haven't seen hide nor hair of him. Dawn has come by every day to check up on me. She hasn't seen him either. But she talked to him on the phone. She said he sounded weird. 

They're releasing me today. I get to go home. About time. I'm beyond sick of this hospital room. There's nothing on the TV and nothing else to divert my mind from thoughts of Spike. Why hasn't he at least stopped by? 

I won't let myself hear the nagging voice in the back of my mind that says my almost-dying words were too much for him. That he's wigged out about them and doesn't feel the same way and just doesn't know how to tell me. 

I don't care if that is true. I'm not going to apologize for my feelings. I love him and I'm going to tell him as often as possible, even if he doesn't want to hear it. Near-death experiences are funny that way. 

Dawn comes in and looks at me expectantly. "Ready?" I nod.

The ride to the apartment building is silent except for the radio and Dawn's chatter. I don't say anything. In truth, I'm a little scared to go home. The apprehension has built a nice little knot in my stomach with a matching lump in my throat. 

Everything will change after this. Good or bad change, I don't know. But nothing is ever going to be the same. 

The car pulls up outside the building. "Want me to go up with you?" Dawn asks. 

I shake my head. "No." I gotta do this alone. "Thanks for the ride." I climb out of the car and wave half-heartedly to Dawn as she speeds off.

The climb up the stairs seems to be a record in shortness, as I find myself in front of the apartment door in no time. Mechanically, my key is in the lock and turning it and then I'm inside. It's cold. It's cold and dark. Spike's left the A/C on again and it feels like an ice box in here. I turn it off, rubbing my arms to warm them up, careful to avoid the plaster cast around my wrist.

Where's Spike? I listen for sounds of him but there are none. His bedroom door is closed, I find when I walk down the hall. I press my ear to it and knock softly. "Spike?"

I push the door open. He's in bed. It's dark in the room and the dim light from the hall casts eerie shadows across the plains of his bare chest. His arm is thrown over his eyes and I can't tell if he's awake or not. I call his name again.

The arm moves and he looks up at me- his face blank. I'm suddenly nervous. I take a seat on the edge of his bed and fight the memories of what happened here just a few days ago. My fingers pick at the sheets as I search for something to say. 

"Where've you been? You…you didn't come to see me. You just kinda disappeared…" 

"I had some thinking to do."

"Oh." Silence. Wow…and I thought this would be hard… "I never got to finish what I was saying...after I woke up." More silence. Wow. "I am sorry for everything that happened. Like I said, I was scared. Lestat…he offered me what I wanted. That day, in the mansion, he said that I was an easy kill, because I wanted it so bad.

"In the hospital, I had some time to think…" What with not being visited and all. "…and I realized that it wasn't the bite that I wanted. I didn't want to be a vampire I didn't want the danger and the pain and the pleasure. I mean, I did. But that's not why I gave in so easily to him."

Spike looks at me expectantly. "Why did you then?"

"Because I wanted you." Here goes nothing… "I love you and I've been too scared to tell you. I was afraid to lose you. But then I almost really did. I almost died and I don't know if you could ever feel the same way about me but I just-"

His lips cut off my rambling. They're so soft, so cool, and there's sparks in them when they touch mine. His movements are gentle, loving, but with a restrained yearning behind them that I feel, too. I'm dizzy when he finally pulls away and rests his forehead against mine.

"You scared me pulling a stunt like you did," he said. "Don't ever do it again. I love you too bloody much." I want to scream with joy but as he pulls me onto his lap, I figure the screaming will come later. He kisses me softly, so softly that I barely feel it. "Wanted to do this…" he mumbles between kisses "…so long…when I almost lost you…I-"

"I know. Me too," my words are breathy. I gasp as my shirt is unexpectedly torn from my body. Though his kisses are tender and slow, he strips me of my clothing rapidly, with barely restrained passion and in no time I'm naked and pinned beneath him. 

He's already nude- he sleeps that way- and I pout a little when I notice this. "No fun…"

His chuckle is a deep rumbling in his chest, which I can feel vibrating against mine. "Next time," he whispers in my ear. Then he turns his attention to my neck, kissing and nipping at the skin, eliciting a long moan from me. Spike's cool tongue traces the line from my neck to my collar bone, down the valley between my breasts, to my navel, and then his blonde head disappears under the sheets and I cry out as his tongue dips inside me.

Shit, it's so good… I cry and moan as the pressure inside me builds. His tongue works eagerly, dipping in and out of me, teasing me, making me want more. When I come, my back arches and my eyes close. They open again to see Spike hovering over me, watching me with a fascinated look in his eyes. 

"So bloody beautiful, " he murmurs, more to himself than to me. "Always wondered what that'd look like."

I grin. "I always wondered what that'd feel like."

He laughs and I take the opportunity to roll him over onto his back. His azure eyes gaze up at me, the love and lust obvious in the glowing orbs as I use my hands and mouth to explore the many muscles of his chest. As I do, my hips rock on his and I feel his growing hardness beneath me. I small devious smile plays on my lips and I rock a bit harder. Soon he growls and clutches me by the arms, flipping me onto my back.

"Can't take much more of that love," he says before unceremoniously burying himself inside me. I cry out with the shock and pleasure of it and I feel my head spinning with the surge of adrenaline through my veins. 

Nothing's ever felt this good before. Not even a vampire's bite gave me the rush- the raw emotion- that being with Spike like this does. He let's out a half-growl-half-moan as our hips meet again and again. 

I look up at him. His eyes are open, locked with mine. They're so clear- so intense. I know that he's completely here with me. My other lovers' eyes were cloudy. I knew they were somewhere else- with someone else. So was I, so it didn't matter much. But Spike is exactly where he wants to be. With me. 

It's with this thought that I come again, my inner muscles tightening around him. God, it's so amazing. I kiss his lips softly. "I love you," I whisper. At those words, he comes inside me, his face the picture of ecstasy. Fuck, he's amazing. 

When his body finally comes to rest on mine, he buries his head in the crook of my neck and his hands entwined in my hair. "I love you so much. Why the hell did we wait so long to do that?"

I sigh and play with the hair on the back of his neck. "We're just stupid, I guess," I respond breathlessly. Spike lifts his head to look at me and grins, but his face turns serious as his eyes drift to my neck. I know what he's thinking and I shake my head. "No…I have all I need."

"Really?"

I nod and he gets a very self-satisfied look on his face. His eyes run over my body and he does that thing with his tongue inside his mouth- that rakish, come-fuck-me look to accompany the slightly evil glint in his eye. "Wanna go again?"

The End

A./N.— Well, that's it guys. What'd you think? Tell me. Just push that little button down there…yea…that one. 

I hope you liked. I apologize for any corniness in the love scenes. But in my defense I'd like to state for the record that not once did I use the word 'throbbing'. Thank you.


End file.
